Pam Dyson, MA, LPC, RPT

Simple Ways to Tell Your Child, "I Love You!"

2012-02-14T10:34:00.000-06:00

If you’re a parent you probably do somethingspecial on Valentine’s Day to show your children them how much you love them. Sometimes those little reminders go by the waysidethe rest of the year. Here are some simple ways to keep that message alive allyear long.

· Usea heart-shaped cookie cutter to make their toast or sandwich.

· Tucka love note into their backpack. Write a short note or draw a smiley face on anapkin and put it in their lunch box. Slide the note under their dinner plate orplace it under their pillow.

· Giveyour child coupons redeemable for things like a half hour of your undividedattention, their favorite dinner, playing a board game with them, etc. Sendyour child on a scavenger hunt around the house to find those coupons.

· Writea letter to your child and mail it. Children rarely receive mail so when theydo it’s special.

Dear________________________

I was just thinking about you and

what I was thinking is you are so__________

Love___________

· Hanga calendar above your child's bed. Each day write one thing one positive thingabout your child or one positive behavior your child did. At bedtime you sharewhat was written. It sets a positive tone and it's much easier for both childand parents to fall asleep knowing the day ended on a positive note.

Don’tlimit showing love to your child to Valentine’s Day. Make it a part of youreveryday routine.

Family Game Night

2012-02-08T15:26:00.001-06:00

Looking for a fun activity todo as a family instead of watching TV? Schedule a family game night. Ifyou're tired of the games you already own or you're looking for somethingdifferent I have a suggestion for a game that the entire family can not onlyplay but can help assemble.

If you're like most familiesyou have all kinds of little toys lying around the house. Ever step on a Legoin the middle of the night? OUCH! You probably have a junk drawer overflowingwith items you're afraid to toss out because you might need them someday.

Send your family members on ascavenger hunt around the house to gather those items together and put theminto a shoe box. You've just assembled a Story Starter Game!

The directions for this gameare simple. Lay out the objects so everyone can see them. Decide who will gofirst. That person selects one object and uses it to start a story. Forexample, "Once upon a time there was a race car." The next personselects an object, sits it down next to the race car and adds another line tothe story. "The race car noticed a stop sign up ahead." Familymembers continue selecting objects and adding to the story until all theobjects have been used.

A variation is to put all theobjects inside a paper bag. Each family member randomly pulls out one object ata time and the story is told in that order.

The Story Starter Game issuitable for both children and adults. Even the youngest of children can participate.The story will be different each time you play. You can use it while travelingand think of what fun it would be to use it at a family reunion.

Put the cell phones down,turn off the computer and video games, and gather the family together for StoryStarter Game Night.

Equal or Fair?

2012-02-07T13:03:00.000-06:00

There's a big difference between "equal" and "fair." It's impossible for parents to treat their children equally and it wouldn't be fair if you could. Asa parent have you fallen into the pattern of what you do for one child you dofor the other? Do you try to treat your children equally when it comes toattention, time and things?

Perhaps it's time to look at treating your children fairly instead of equally. Equal and fair are not the same thing. Treating children equally means youtreat them exactly the same. Treating children fairly means you take intoaccount the individual needs of each child.

For example, your youngest child needs a new pair of shoes. His sister says,"I didn't get a new pair of shoes. That's not fair!" It's importantto point out that her sibling outgrew their shoes and needed a new pair so thatwas fair. Getting a new pair of shoes, when they're not needed, simply becausea sibling received a new pair would be equal treatment not fair treatment andin our family we believe in being fair.

Using a fair approach instead of an equal approach might be something you arenot currently doing or perhaps you are challenged with doing it as consistentlyas you would like. Take a close look at why you treat your children equallyinstead of fairly. Ask yourself some questions. Do I not want to hurt mychild's feelings? Does it bother me to see my child disappointed? Am I afraidmy children will think I love one of them more than the other? What message amI sending to my children when I treat them equally all of the time?

I encourage you to take small steps in changing the way you treat yourchildren. Strive to treat them fairly and not equally.

Top Mistakes to Avoid with Your Kids

2012-01-30T20:40:00.002-06:00

Parentingeffectively involves a lot of trial and error. It's not always easy to knowwhat to do in various situations. From time to time you’re going to make mistakes.That's inevitable. In my work as a parenting coach I see the samemistakes being repeated over and over. Let’s take a closer look at the topthree mistakes parents make and how you can correct them.

1. Dismissing your child's feelings

"You've been mad long enough." "It's silly to feel thatway." "You're too sensitive." Ever say those things to yourchild? When you do you're dismissing your child's feelings and your childdoesn't feel heard or understood. Think about it this way. If you called afriend and shared that you'd had a terrible day (a flat tire, a sick pet, thewashing machine stopped working) and your friend said, "Get over it.You’re making too big of a deal out of this,” how would you feel? Brushedaside, dismissed? Chances are your child feels the same way if you dismiss whathe or she is feeling. Try saying something like, "That sounds reallyfrustrating," or "I can see why you're mad," the next time yourchild is expressing an emotion. I can almost guarantee your child will reactdifferently once they feel heard and understood.

2. Not following through on consequences

There’s only thing worse than not having rules and consequences is notenforcing consequences. Do you threaten your child but never follow through?Are your consequences so unreasonable that you simply can't follow through withthem? Let's say your child leaves his bike in the driveway. You tell him threetimes to put his bike in the garage and he simply ignores you. You'refrustrated so you resort to this threat, "If you don't put your bike inthe garage I'm going to throw it in the trash!" Your child continues toignore you. Why? Because he knows you'd never throw his bike in the trash. Thiswould be a more appropriate consequence, "If you don't put your bike inthe garage you won't be allowed to ride it for a week." This is a morereasonable consequence and you've now given your child a choice. He can chooseto put the bike in the garage or he can choose to lose it for a week. It’s hischoice. Just make sure you follow through if he decides not to put his bike inthe garage.

3. Over-explaining things

If you tell your child ten times to put his pajamas on and he doesn't respondwhat makes you think the eleventh time will do the trick? Take a step back andlook at the bigger picture. Are you using too many words? Many children tuneyou out when you ramble on and on and on. Be matter of fact and state only whatneeds to be said. What is the age of the child to which you're explainingthings? If your child is a preschooler he's not developmentally able to berational. The cognitive ability to be rational doesn't begin to emerge untilthe age of seven so use as few words as possible. Over-explaining often turnsinto a verbal tug-of-war and the next thing you know you and your child arearguing and the original subject matter is forgotten. It takes two to argue soif you remove yourself from the argument it can't continue.

SideNote:

Not recognizing your parenting mistakes is almost as big a problem as nottrying to fix them. Is what you are doing working? If not, then you probably needsome new tools in your parenting tool box.

Prevent Morning Meltdowns with a Breakfast Menu

2012-01-23T15:56:00.001-06:00

I was a guest this morning on Great Day St. Louis with a tool parents can use to make breakfast time more manageable.

Noticing Changes in Your Five-Year-Old?

2012-01-19T10:54:00.001-06:00

Isshe clingy and doesn't want to be separated from you?

Areyou seeing regressive behaviors such as toileting accidents or more crying?

Has he told you he wants to stay at preschool and not go to kindergarten?

Before I became a child therapist I taught Pre-K and each school year, aroundthe end of January or early February, parents would come to me wondering whytheir child was exhibiting these regressive behaviors and seeking advice on whatto do about them. Even now, as a childtherapist, parents express the same concerns this time of year about their fiveyear olds.

Ivalidate parents concerns and the frustration they’re feeling and then I ask onesimple question. “Have you recently registered your five year old forkindergarten?” The answer is usually"Yes!"

Going to kindergarten is a big transition for a five year old. Everyone istelling them how grown up they are and talking non-stop about how great it willbe to go to kindergarten. The child feels torn. They're excited to be growingup but they're also anxious and apprehensive about leaving preschool and allthe familiarities they're grown accustomed to.

It's a big step for a five year old and asparents you can help make that transition less stressful. When you see theabove mentioned behaviors take a few minutes to give your child an extra hugand ask them if they're feeling sad or scared about leaving preschool and goingto kindergarten. Validate what they’re feeling and offer helpful suggestionssuch as driving by the new school and taking a photo of them standing in frontof it.

Spendsome time on the school playground on the weekend or at the end of the schoolday. Mark on the calendar the day your child will be going to the school for avisit or kindergarten screening. Don’t forget to locate the school restroom duringthe visit because that’s a big concern for a soon to be kindergartener.

I encourage parents to put less emphasis on growing up and more on making thetransition to kindergarten easier. It will help your child feel less anxiousand the regressive behaviors will gradually disappear.

Attention Seeking Child? Try a Thirty Second Burst of Attention

2012-01-12T15:56:00.002-06:00

Children want and need attention and they will do anything to get it. Quite often they’re most in need of attention when you’re in the middle of something important.

Dr. Garry Landreth is known for his writing and work in promoting play therapy. He suggests that when a child needs your attention you stop what you're doing and give him a "Thirty Second Burst of Attention."

Let’s say you’re on the phone with your friend Brenda and your son approached you saying “Mom, Mom, Mom!” He’s tugging on your pants leg and jumping up and down. Your usual reaction is probably shaking your head at him while mouthing the words, “Not now! I’m busy! Go play!” What if instead you said, "Excuse me for thirty seconds, Brenda.” You put down the phone, got down on your son's level and said, "I have thirty seconds to listen. What do you need to tell me?" As he shares with you his enthusiasm over the dead bug he found, nod your head to communicate that you’re listening and that you care about what he is saying. At the end of thirty seconds you should say, "John, thanks for sharing that with me. Now I'm going to finish my conversation with Brenda."

Your child’s need for attention would have been satisfied in thirty seconds. Thirty seconds! That’s not too much of a hardship on your time is it?

When I suggest this technique to parents they usually ask me, “Are you just supposed to do one 30-second burst? What if they keep bugging you?” Gently tell them you need to finish what you were doing. Remind them that you listened to them, and when you are finished with your current task, you can spend time with them again. As a general rule of thumb, when you give a child undivided attention, even as little as thirty seconds, it will meet their immediate need for attention. Try it and let me know how it works for you.

Mornings Don't Have To Be Hectic

2012-01-03T16:51:00.000-06:00

Everyone can relate to the morning rush. Getting your children up and dressed can sometimes be a challenge. Then there's breakfast. Do you sometimes feel like a short order cook because your children can't decide what they want to eat? Do you sometimes feel they're not eating a healthy breakfast on a regular basis?

I have a great suggestion for making breakfast easier and more healthy and it begins with making a breakfast menu. Enlist the help of your child to make the menu. Choices can include eggs, toast, cereal, yogurt, pancakes, french toast, waffles and fruit. Allow for choices each day and a choice of a drink. This puts you in charge of what food is offered at breakfast and it gives your child the power of choice.

You can create your breakfast menu several different ways.

I copied days of the week onto card stock and laminated it using self-sealing lamination sheets (available at office supply stores). You could also use clear Contact paper which can be found in the kitchen aisle of discount stores. The food pictures I found by doing an internet image search. You may want to take photos of the actual foods or your children could draw pictures of them. For this particular menu I added self adhesive Velcro dots to the back of the food pictures so the menu could easily be adjusted from week to week.

This menu was made the same way but doesn't have the option of changing the menu from week to week.

These two menus were created using note card sized card stock. I adhered the food pictures to both using double-stick tape. The green backed menu isn't laminated as each days menu is displayed in an acrylic photo frame. The second menu utilizes 3 x 5 note cards. I covered them with clear Contact paper, punched holes in the top two corners and looped them together with book rings I found at an office supply store.

Each morning at breakfast children can point to their choice or if you've laminated them they can circle their choice with a washable marker. Young children who are not yet reading can easily make a choice by looking at the photos. With older children you may opt to include the words of the foods in addition to the pictures to encourage sight word recognition.

Children get very excited about making and using these breakfast menus and parents can relax knowing their children are eating a healthy breakfast and there's no longer a morning battle over food choices.

It's a NEW Year!

2012-01-01T21:35:00.001-06:00

The holidays are behind us and the kids will soon be back in school. Did you make any resolutions for the new year and if so do they involve parenting?

The beginning of a new year is a good time to evaluate your parenting skills. What presented the biggest challenges to you during the past year when it came to being a parent? What frustrates you the most about your parenting?

Select one of those challenges, I suggest the one that occurs most frequently, and make it a goal to find some new ways to deal with this challenge.

That might involve reading a topical book (I can suggest some, simply post a comment or send me an email) taking a parenting class, working with a parenting coach or asking trusted friends and neighbors with children how they have successfully dealt with similar challenges.

Once you have some new insights, set simple goals for achieving results. If you try to make too many changes all at once you may become frustrated and give up. Once you have a plan in place it's time to practice, practice, practice your new skill. With a little perseverance and a lot of patience you will be able to make 2012 a year of better parenting.

A Christmas Memory

2011-12-25T08:43:00.000-06:00

Growing up on the farm in Kansas, Santa would visit our home while my family was attending a worship service on Christmas Eve. The year I was four, after opening all our gifts, there was a knock at the door. My father opened the door and in walked Santa Claus!

After handing each of my family members an orange from his bag, he approached me to wish me Merry Christmas while giving me a hug and a kiss. His breath smelled of alcohol and he was wearing bright red lipstick. After he left, I noticed he had gotten lipstick all over the hair and face of my brand new doll. I spent the rest of Christmas Eve crying while my mother tried unsuccessfully to remove the lipstick.

It wasn't until I was a teenager that I learned the identity of Santa. He was the owner of the only restaurant in town and before he traveled the community that Christmas Eve, he had indulged in a few too many drinks. Mr. Blaske passed away many years ago but I will forever have a wonderful memory of the Christmas Eve I had a visit from Santa.

Awaiting the Holidays

2011-12-19T11:06:00.000-06:00

As Christmas looms closer, your children may be bouncing off the walls in anticipation of holiday preparations, parties and the gifts they hope to receive. Even though they are exhibiting happy energy it can get out of hand.

An over-eager child might break ornaments while helping decorate the tree. They might drop the plate of cookies you baked for the neighbors or give away secrets about what's in the packages.

Here are some suggestions for how to get things under control without curbing your child's excitement.

* Write down on the family calendar when special events will occur. This eliminates your child continually asking when events will occur.

* Even with all the extra events, keep your child's routine as consistent as possible.

* Enlist your child to help with gift wrapping, making place cards for the family dinner or even helping clean the house in preparation for guests.

* Suggest they play a board game or other quiet activity. This will have a calming effect and bring their excitement level down a notch.

By helping your child find ways to channel all of their holiday excitement, things in your house will be much more manageable.

Lasting Impressions

2011-12-15T09:18:00.000-06:00

Canyou list the gifts you gave or received two years ago? How about last year?It's not so easy to do is it?

We go in search of the perfect gifts each holiday season. Maybe expensive giftsare not the ones that have the most significance. Maybe something simple orhandmade will make a greater impact upon the recipient. Quite often a childwill have more fun with the box and packaging peanuts his gift came in than hewill have with the electronic toy that's inside.

Here are some gift suggestions for young children:

* Buy a book and record yourself reading it. Wrap up the book with the recordingfor a special, one of a kind gift.

* Create a coupon for a special time for just you and the child. Choose anactivity they would enjoy doing and include an object that symbolizes the time. Could be a puzzle, the ingredients to make cookies, a new board game.

* Make home play-dough (recipe) and include cookie cutters, plastic knives,craft sticks and a six inch length of a 1 inch diameter dowel for a rollingpin. Put the kit inside a cake pan with a lid.

Simplegifts can create the fondest of memories.

De-Stress the Holidays

2011-12-13T07:46:00.001-06:00

You're trying to wrap gifts, address holiday cards and bake cookies for the neighbors. When you add all of these tasks into the mix of your usual household tasks it can certainly be overwhelming. You might find yourself with little patience and feeling short-tempered. If you have children, they're probably picking up on your tension and reacting in inappropriate ways.

Resorting to telling them they'll be on Santa's naughty list might not be effective. There are some simple things you can do to ease the tension.

* Enlist your children to stuff envelopes and put stamps on holiday cards.

* Have them help bake cookies. They can stir in chocolate chips and add sprinkles.

* Involve them in wrapping gifts. Just be sure to have an extra roll of tape on hand because kids love to play with it.

* When a squabble breaks out, start singing a holiday song. What child can resist a chorus of Jingle Bells?

* At the end of a hectic day gather your children on your lap and read a cherished holiday story.

What strategies do you use to deal with holiday stress?

Uncertain What Toys to Buy?

2011-12-05T09:13:00.001-06:00

A father recentlytold me that his young daughter brought him a toy saying it didn’t work and couldhe put new batteries in it. Upon realizing the toy was not battery powered hetook a closer look at the toys his children play with. Until that closeexamination he realized he wasn’t fully aware of how many of the toys his childrenown and that only a handful don’t require batteries. He shared with me that ifhe could go back a few years he would buy more toys for his children that don’trely on batteries to play with them.

Technology has becomea big part of our lives and it's no different for children. We can’t ignoretechnology. It’s a part of our lives and our children’s lives and it’s notgoing away. I encourage parents to balance out the number of electronic toysthey give their children with open-ended toys that encourage creativity andimagination and don’t require a scripted way to use them.

If you're purchasing toys for children this holiday season I'd like you toconsider the following:

Blocks, Lego's, Tinker Toys, and Lincoln Logs. Traditional board games such as Checkers, Chess, Candy Land, Connect Four,Trouble, and Jenga.

Puppets, art supplies, puzzles, playdough. Think back to the toys of your childhood. Which ones bring backmemories? Chances are your child would probably enjoy those same toys.

Once your child hasopened their gift, get down on the floor and play with them. You'll be creatingnew holiday memories for both you and your child.

Pam's Parenting Tip of the Month

2011-12-01T13:47:00.001-06:00

Managing PottyTraining Resistance

Potty training, like eating and sleeping, is truly in thecontrol of your child. All you can do is be supportive and encouraging and setthe stage for success. Your child will probably be toilet trained when she isready, NOT necessarily when you are ready. If your child is three to three anda half years old and you're meeting up with a lot of resistance it's time tore-examine the situation.

Reasons for resistance:

Being afraid to sit on the potty
A flushing toilet may have scared him
Being pushed too early or fast before he was ready
Punishment for not using the potty or being forced to sit on the potty
Inconsistent training, especially among different caregivers
May have had a painful bowel movement from being constipated
May be stubborn and involved in a power struggle with parents
May enjoy the negative attention from not using the potty or from having accidents

How to prevent resistance:

Make him responsible for using the potty
Don't punish for mistakes
Don't remind him to use the potty

Pottytraining is a big process. Some experts feel that it is the first and biggestdevelopmental step your child will take. Have patience with the process andtrust your child to help lead the way.

The Marshmallow Test

2011-11-28T12:17:00.001-06:00

In an experiment, young children were offered either one marshmallow now, or two marshmallows later, which might determine if these kids will be successful later in life.

Is Your Child ALWAYS Seeking Your Attention?

2011-11-20T08:56:00.001-06:00

Your child’s need for attention would have been satisfied in thirty seconds. Thirty seconds! That’s not too much of a hardship on your time is it?

When I suggest this technique to parents they usually ask me, “Do you give only one thirty second burst? What if they keep bugging you?” Gently tell them you need to finish what you were doing. Remind them that you listened to them, and when you are finished with your current task, you can spend time with them again. As a general rule of thumb, when you give a child undivided attention, even as little as thirty seconds, it will meet their immediate need for attention.

Have you tried giving your child a thirty second burst of attention? Did it work? I'd enjoy hearing your comments.

Power Play

2011-11-16T17:40:00.001-06:00

I love to watch children play. As a play therapist, play isan integral part of my work. I'm always searching for toys to add to my playtherapy room, so it's not unusual to find me wandering the toy aisles atdiscount department stores.

On a recent toy shopping excursion, I found myself drawn to the superheroaisle. From the top shelf to the bottom shelf there were superhero action figures, sportsballs, board games, battery-powered toys and costumes. In the electronicsdepartment were several superhero movies. The clothing department featuredchildren's T-shirts, shoes, pajamas and even underwear containing images ofsuperheroes.

What is it about a superhero that children find so appealing? Perhaps it's theextraordinary power of a superhero or the fact that superheroes triumph overvillains. Maybe it's the distinctive costumes they wear. No matter which ofthose characteristics attract a child's attention, children will imitatesuperheroes.

Children will also imitate their parents. Realizing your child is watching youand imitating you can lead to a greater awareness of the behaviors you aremodeling. That awareness can lead to intentional behaviors. I wonder what mighttranspire if a parent intentionally strived to become their child's superhero?

Yes, I know parents are busy, but if Clark Kent finds the time to sneak awayfrom his daily commitments and transform into Superman, surely parents can take15 minutes out of their day to don a costume, assume extraordinary powers andengage their child in some superhero play.

Imagine the adventures that await you. Together you and your child can inventyour own superhero names and create an insignia. The next time your child isfacing a challenge, grab your capes (it can be as simple as towels tied aroundyour necks), put your hands on your hips, jut out your chests and morph intoyour superhero persona's.

Imagine you are soaring above the challenge. Encourage your child to come upwith a solution to his problem by using his super powers. By letting him assumethe responsibility for making a decision, he will begin to feel powerful. Achild who feels powerful will find the courage to face a challenging situation,and his problem will feel less daunting.

I know what some parents are thinking. You're concerned that once your childstarts leaping around the house pretending to be a superhero, things will getout of hand, furniture will be broken and maybe a trip to the emergency roomwill be necessary.

Allow me to lessen your fear. When you're participating in the play, you candirect it and set the rules. If your child becomes overly aggressive, you canstop the play. By engaging your child in superhero play, you will be teachinghim the importance of boundaries, cooperative play and of working together tosolve problems.

Superhero play can encourage creativity in your child. Make your own costumesand props. An empty cardboard box could become your fortress or your cave.Write a superhero story with your child in which the two of you are the maincharacters. Your superhero characters not only could be powerful, they alsocould possess traits of being kind and helpful.

Illustrate your story using photos of you and your child in your superherocostumes. Go a step further and use a video camera to film a superhero moviestarring you and your child. Make some popcorn and invite other family membersto movie premiere night.

Children need heroes in their lives. What parent wouldn't want to be theirchild's superhero? I think it's something that is certainly worth donning acape.

Parenting: Fair versus Equal

2011-11-15T09:12:00.000-06:00

As a parent have you fallen into the pattern of what you do for one child you do for the other? Do you try to ensure your children are treated equally when it comes to attention, time and things?

Perhaps it's time to look at treating your children fairly instead of equally. Fair and equal are not the same thing. Treating children equally means you treat them exactly the same. Treating children fairly means you take into account the individual needs of each child.

For example, your youngest child needs a new pair of shoes. The sibling says, "I didn't get a new pair of shoes. That's not fair!" It's important for you as the parent to point out that their sibling outgrew their shoes and needed a new pair so that was fair. Getting a new pair of shoes, when they're not needed, simply because a sibling received a new pair would be equal treatment not fair treatment and in our family we believe in being fair.

Using a fair approach instead of an equal approach might be something you are not currently doing or perhaps you are challenged with doing it as consistently as you would like. Take a close look at why you treat your children equally instead of fairly. Ask yourself some questions. Do I not want to hurt my child's feelings? Does it bother me to see my child disappointed? Am I afraid my children will think I love one of them more than the other? What message am I sending to my children when I treat them equally all of the time?

Are your children learning from you that they should expect equal treatment regardless of the situation? Does that reflect how society treats us? Life isn't always fair and it certainly doesn't always treat us equally. That's an important lesson for parents to teach their children.

I encourage you to take small steps in changing the way you treat your children. Strive to treat them fairly and not equally. If you're unable to make this change on your own it might be time to enlist the help of a parenting coach or a counselor.

Setting the Stage for Successful Potty Training

2011-11-09T13:28:00.000-06:00

What Went Right Today

2011-11-06T13:13:00.001-06:00

During November, as Thanksgiving approaches, we often find ourselves reflecting on things for which we are thankful. I encourage you not to limit that to November but to reflect on it all year long. As easy way to do is to keep a notebook by your bed titled, "What Went Right Today."

At the end of each day you jot down three things, no matter how small, that went right today. By shifting your thinking to positive things it not only changes your perspective but it can encourage more restful sleep when you're not focused on the negative things that occurred during the day.

This also works for children. Or, you can keep a notebook where you jot down the things your kids did that were positive.

I'm not disciplined to do this on a regular basis but I have noticed a change in my thinking where I keep the log fairly consistently. When you find yourself struggling to note positive things it's helpful to take a look back at previous entries.

Pam's Parenting Tip of the Month

2011-11-01T21:54:00.001-05:00

"Potty Training Made Easy"

Potty training is an important milestone. It can be a source of stress for parents if they begin potty training before their child is ready or if their child is resistant. Here's some information on the do's and don'ts of potty training that will help you set the stage for success.

Most children show signs of readiness between the ages of 18 and 24 months. However, age isn't the only factor. Your child also needs to have the 3 P's.

Physiological Readiness. When your child is dry for longer intervals of time (after a nap) voids larger amounts at a time or when your child tells you they're voiding your child is displaying bladder readiness.

Physical Readiness. Your child must be able to walk to and from the bathroom, pull their pants up and down and get on and off the potty independently.

Psychological Readiness. If your child isn't bothered by wet or dirty diapers or isn't interested in sitting on the potty you're not going to get very far. Your child must be willing.

If you recognize the 3 P's in your child wait a few weeks to ensure readiness. While you're waiting you can begin to teach the process of potty training by setting the stage. This includes having your child observe others using the toilet, introducing books or videos on the subject, talking about using the potty "soon" and choosing a potty chair. Let your child know that when they're ready they can use the potty. If you notice your child is voiding, remark on it: "Are you peeing?"

Things to Keep in Mind:

Patience! Patience! Patience! It can take several weeks to months to complete the process of potty training.

Two steps forward, one step back. You'll have good days and bad days. There will be accidents.

Know when to back off. Push too hard and your child may push back with more accidents and/or resistance.

December's Parenting Tip of the Month will discuss Managing Potty Training Resistance.

Teaching Children about Empathy

2011-10-26T16:14:00.000-05:00

Lunches Packed With Love | Parade.com

2011-10-22T12:26:00.000-05:00

Lunches Packed With Love | Parade.com

Making Books

2011-10-20T18:10:00.000-05:00

This is a great way to reuse paper. Kids will love enjoy writing stories and illustrating these books.

My Parenting Tip of the Month

2011-10-03T09:48:00.000-05:00

Dealing with ADHD

2011-09-26T13:00:00.000-05:00

Easy and Affordable Way to Make a Feelings Book

2011-09-13T18:36:00.000-05:00

I made this video to introduce a technique to play therapists but this Feelings Book is also something parents and their children can make at home.

Missouri may do away with foreign adoption subsidy

2011-09-13T16:24:00.000-05:00

Missouri may do away with foreign adoption subsidy

Getting back in the game

2011-09-12T11:30:00.000-05:00

Getting back in the game

Board Games Teach Life Lessons to Children

2011-09-07T10:57:00.000-05:00

In my work as a play therapist, I encourage parents to play games with their children. What's that, you say? You already play games with your children? Is it Wii, Xbox or any of the other popular video games on the market today? These are all wonderfully entertaining games, but when was the last time your family played a good old-fashioned board game?

Many of the games you played as a child are still being manufactured today. You probably have fond memories of playing Trouble, Monopoly or Sorry. Think of the board games you enjoyed most as a child. Chances are your children will enjoy them too.

If purchasing new board games take into consideration the ages of the family members who will be playing. I suggest Candy Land, Yahtzee, Checkers or Jenga. A favorite board game from my childhood is Hi Ho Cherry-O.

Board games are a great teaching tool because they imitate real life. There are rules you have to follow. You have to cooperate and wait your turn which can encourage impulse control. Board games have an element of learning as well. If money has to be counted, you are learning math. If you have to spend money, you are learning how to budget.

By observing the behavior of adults during a board game, children will learn how to deal with winning and losing. Ask yourself what you are modeling during the game. Do you lose graciously? Do you win without rubbing it in? Sometimes adults will intentionally lose a game to allow a child to win. I suggest you play as well as you can and let the chips fall where they may. If a child is disappointed at losing, it's a good learning experience. Children will be able to take what they learned playing a board game and incorporate it into real-life situations.

Playing a board game provides parents with an opportunity to start conversations with their children. It's a refreshing change from the traditional question, "What did you learn at school today?" When there is tension or distance among a family, a board game can serve as an ice breaker. Don't Break the Ice is a perfect game to ease some of that tension and get family members interacting again.
Because board games provide an opportunity to interact with people, they promote social skills. Board games bring people together, both young and old. That in turn can strengthen bonds between family members. One word of caution: Playing board games together as a family can cause spontaneous laughter, fun and a good time.

Visual Schedules Make Bedtime and Mornings More Manageable

2011-08-30T20:34:00.000-05:00

It's Time To Go Back To School

2011-08-15T13:36:00.000-05:00

Are you ready? Is your child ready? Have you made the trip or trips to the store to purchase back to school supplies?

Making sure your child has all the necessary supplies is important. So is helping your child adjust to a new school year. If a bedtime routine was tossed aside during the summer it's important to put one into place. It's best to slide back into that routine a couple of weeks before school starts but if time has gotten away from you it's better late than never.

Start making plans for incorporating homework and study times into your family schedule. Include establishing a distraction free place where your child can do homework. Be sure to include necessary supplies.

Once school is in session, ask your child about their day at school. Don’t resort to the typical question, “What did you learn in school today?” Instead you might ask, “What’s the funniest thing that happened at school today?”

Make a point of getting involved at school. Attend parent-teacher meetings, curriculum nights and open houses. You’ll be showing your child that their education is important to you.

Erasing the First Day of Kindergarten Chaos

2011-08-05T16:18:00.000-05:00

I'm excited to have contributed to this article written by Nicole Plegge for St. Louis Kids Magazine.

Erasing the First Day of Kindergarten Chaos

Managing Your Child's ADHD

2011-08-01T14:24:00.000-05:00

If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD or if you have a child with ADHD tendencies you know how challenging it is for them to be organized and stay focused on tasks. As parents it's important to teach your child ways to manage their ADHD symptoms.

Since school will soon be back in session this is a perfect time to consider what strategies you'll need to implement at home to help your child be successful this coming school year.

Break things down into steps so it's not so overwhelming.

Make lists, use visual charts and post-it notes.

Have a "marked" place for everything.

Use "When.....Then" directions.

Establish a token or points system for immediate rewards. Tokens can be taken away as a consequence.

Play board games. Video games can be over-stimulating. Suggested games are Checkers, Chess, Connect Four, Trouble, Jenga, Memory, and Pick-Up-Sticks. These games involve strategy which teaches focusing, slowing down and impulse control - all of which can also help build confidence.

Cook together. Use simple recipes with few steps and it will teach your child a fun and healthy way of following directions.

Have a "Special Time" at least once a week to just enjoy your child and help him feel good about himself. Mark it on the calendar so he knows when to expect it.

Make sure your child gets exercise as well as relaxation times to learn self calming.

Ignore mild, unwanted behaviors and pick your battles.

Is It Time for School Already?

2011-07-30T08:38:00.000-05:00

It won't be long and school will soon be back in session. If you're a parent it's not too soon to start reestablishing a regular routine, especially at bedtime. If you start easing back into it now it's much easier than trying to make a total change the week before school starts.

What will you do to help your child get back into a school frame of mind?

Kids and Chores

2011-07-19T12:22:00.002-05:00

Feelings Bucket Toss

2011-07-18T07:02:00.000-05:00

Here's a fun way to teach children about feelings.

I drew four different feeling faces, happy, sad, mad and scared, onto colored paper and taped them onto the sides of one gallon buckets I found at a dollar store.

Children toss a ball (or a bean bag) into the bucket, identify the feeling and share a time that experienced that feeling. I also found the balls at the dollar store. They're splash bombs for pool use.

My Parenting Tip of the Month

2011-07-01T09:10:00.000-05:00

In my work as a play therapist I use traditional games that children and families are familiar with. Inspired by my colleagues I often adapt them so they have therapeutic value. Most of the games are affordable and easy to find so I suggest parents purchase one or two and play them at home with their children. It's a fun way for them to spend time together and it's an opportunity for parents to encourage their children to talk about feelings.

One of those games is Feelings Pick-Up-Sticks.

Children are very visual so when it's time to talk about feelings it's helpful to assign a color to a specific feeling word. For this particular version of Pick-Up-Sticks you can use the following color code or you can create your own.

Yellow - Happy Blue - Sad

Red - Angry Green - Scared

Black - Lonely

One player holds the sticks in their fist and drops them onto the table. Players take turns picking up a stick without moving any of the other sticks. Each time a stick is removed from the pile the player shares a time they experienced the feeling that's associated with the color of the stick.

Young children may find removing a stick difficult. They could play the game by sorting the sticks by color and then sharing experiences connected to the different feelings.

Space Still Available for Managing Your Child's ADHD

2011-06-18T12:28:00.000-05:00

June 25th, 10am-12pm at my office
485 Wildwood Parkway, Suite 1, Ballwin 63011
Map and directions can be found HERE

The class will offer specific strategies you can use at home to help your child be more organized and more focused. A list of local resources will also be provided. The information shared will be applicable to children ages 4-10.

Class is free but you do need to register by sending an email to pam@pamdyson.com

Include your name, how many will be attending and a phone number.

Space is limited to the first ten who respond. This class is for parents only. No childcare will be provided.

Progress in Autism Research: Toward a Biology of Higher-Impact Intervention

2011-06-16T08:48:00.000-05:00

The St. Louis Science Center is sponsoring a lecture on Progress in Autism Research.

Why are so many children diagnosed with Autism and Asperger’s syndromes these days? What scientific advances are helping us understand these disorders and their causes? Learn about the exciting new breakthroughs in developmental psychobiology, genetics and epidemiology that are leading to innovative treatments to improve the lives of these children and their families.

Speaker: John Nicholas Constantino, MD, Director of the Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Center and Professor of Psychiatry and Pediatrics at Washington University School of Medicine

Date and Time: Thursday, June 23, 2011 at 7pm

FREE! However, reservations are recommended because of limited seating. Call 314.289.4424 to reserve a seat or RSVP via Facebook.

FREE Class: Potty Training Made Easy

2011-06-06T18:16:00.000-05:00

Potty Training Made Easy
June 9, 10:30-11:30am
Cotton Babies West County location
Potty training is an important milestone. It can be a source of stress for families if they begin potty training before their child is ready or their child is resistant. This class will provide information on the do's and don'ts of potty training and help you set the stage for success. Class is free but you need to register 636-220-7720.

FREE Class: Managing Your Child's ADHD

2011-05-27T13:33:00.001-05:00

How to Manage Sibling Fights

2011-05-25T11:01:00.000-05:00

Siblings are going to squabble. "Mom, she hit me!" "He called me dumb!" "I just know he's thinking about touching me!" What's a parent to do?

Here are some of the reasons why sibling squabble and what you can do about it:

*They might be tired, hungry or bored. Maybe they need a snack, a break or something different to do.

*Maybe they're trying to get your attention. Are you busy cooking dinner, doing laundry and checking your email and not paying enough attention to them? Stop what you're doing for ten minutes and give them your full, undivided attention.

*If your kids are arguing and no one is getting hurt can you ignore it? Stay calm and wait to see if they can resolve the issue themselves. If not, then intervene. If they are able to find a solution tell them you noticed and that you're proud of them for working it out.

*If you have to separate them give them a chance to cool down. Let each one tell his or her side of the story. Then ask them what they can do about it. Don't take sides. It they can't come up with a solution offer suggestions. Use this as an opportunity to teach them how to make deals with one another.

*Teach your children how to play with one another. Show a younger child how to ask his older sister, "Would you play with me?"

*Provide different activities that kids of different ages can do together. Play dough and blocks are good examples. Teach them how to trade toys instead of grabbing what they want.

*Don't compare your children. That's one big reason why siblings fight with one another. Refrain from saying things like, "Why can't you be more like your brother?" or "Your sister doesn't have any problems with getting her homework finished."

*Treat your children fairly not equally.

*Be a coach not a referee.

Kids and Natural Disasters

2011-05-06T10:57:00.000-05:00

Use Your Words!

2011-05-03T08:00:00.000-05:00

Your child is angry because his sister came into his room. He throws a toy at her and you respond with, "Use your words!" What was the result? Did he shift gears and go into a verbal explanation of what he needed or why he was upset? Probably not and it's probably because he didn't know what words you wanted him to use.

As parents we're quick to tell our children, "Use your words" but we've probably not taken the time to teach them exactly what words we want them to use. Sometimes it's a matter of modeling those words for your child. Think about what your child sees when you're upset. Does she see you throwing something or yelling or does she hear you using your words? Put your own emotions into words and your child will pick up on what words you want him to use.

Find opportunities to work with your child to find the right words to describe emotions and how to communicate those emotions. Trace around a gingerbread cookie cutter. Have your child color in parts of the person that represent where we feel emotions. For example, when we're sad our heart may feel blue. When feeling angry our face might look and feel red hot. Point out how other people are feeling. Use characters in books or TV shows.

If your child has siblings use their interactions to teach what words to use. For example, when your son hits his little sister because she knocked down his block tower, tell him what you want to hear. Say, "It really made you mad when she knocked that tower down but you can't hit your sister. You need to tell her that it makes you angry." Have your child repeat the words so he will grow used to what it is he needs to say.

In order to teach your children how to use their words you need to be specific about what you want your children to say. You need to model the exact words repeatedly and find ways for your child to practice using them.

The Lies We Tell

2011-04-27T08:13:00.001-05:00

We all tell little white lies. They're a part of normal communication. But it's important to take a closer look at the lies we tell our children. What's to be gained and who will benefit?

I was given an opportunity to address lies in this St. Louis Kids Magazine blog entry written by Nicole Plegge.

Read the article HERE

Half Off Parent Coaching Session

2011-04-26T08:44:00.001-05:00

I'm offering a half priced parent coaching session in conjunction with St. Louis Kids Magazine's STL Kids Club. Coupon offer is only available for purchase for a week and must be redeemed by July 31, 2011.

STL Kids Club will donate 10% of the proceeds from the sale of the coupons to the St. Louis Crisis Nursery.

Here's the link for more information and to purchase the coupon:

STL Kids Club

Helping Children Cope with Natural Disasters

2011-04-26T08:21:00.000-05:00

If you live in the St. Louis area your family has probably been effected in one way or another by the recent tornadoes. Natural disasters such as these tornadoes can make children feel anxious and afraid. Whether they’ve personally experienced the tornado, seen the TV coverage or heard it discussed by adults, they may be struggling to make sense of what they are seeing and hearing. They may have nightmares, physical reactions such as headaches and stomachaches, become clingy and be afraid to go to school.

What You Can Do To Help Your Child:

Provide comfort and reassurance that they’re safe. Say things like, “I’ll always try to protect you,” or “Adults are working very hard to make things safe.” Remind children that tragedy’s such as these tornadoes are very rare.

Limit the amount of TV and internet coverage they see. Images of the tornado and the damage can be very frightening to children.

Encourage them to express their feelings about the tornado through talking, drawing or letter writing.

Do something as a family to help those who were affected by the tornado.

Talk with your children about how to prepare for tornadoes and other natural disasters. Make sure your child knows what smoke detectors, fire alarms and community sirens sound like and what to do when they hear them.

Help your children identify what they have done in the past that helped them cope when they were scared. Talk about other communities that have experienced natural disasters and how they have recovered.

Take note of your own reactions. Your reaction to the tornado and your adjustment to the aftermath contribute to the adjustment and coping ability of your children.

How to Stop Negative Behaviors

2011-04-25T08:38:00.000-05:00

Negative behaviors get our attention faster and more often than positive behaviors. When a child is behaving appropriately we rarely point it out. We're afraid we might jinx it. I always encourage parents to "catch" their child being good and comment on it.

When it comes to attention seeking behaviors it's important to pick your battles. Do you find yourself commenting on every negative behavior even little annoyances? Try ignoring the small ones and only call attention to the big ones.

Are you constantly telling your child what you don't want them to do? "Don't run in the house," "Don't stand on the chair," "Stop yelling!" Telling your child what you want them to do can have a much different result. "Walk in the house," "Sit on the chair," "Use your inside voice."

Take a close look at yourself. Has your child learned any of these negative behaviors from you? If you yell your child will probably yell. Model for your child what you want them to do. They're always watching you and they often repeat what they see you doing.

Kids want and need their parent's attention. If you don't give them attention for positive behaviors they quickly learn to ramp up the negative behaviors to get your attention.

Helping a Preschooler Adjust to a New Baby

2011-04-12T07:43:00.000-05:00

When a new baby joins a family it's a big adjustment. That adjustment can be especially challenging for a preschooler. She now has to share you and your attention and that can be confusing to her. You're so busy with the baby that you may not be spending as much time with your preschooler.

There are some things you can do to make the adjustment easier for your preschooler.

When the baby is napping or being cared for by someone else, spend some one-on-one time with your preschooler. Even if it's only fifteen minutes it will give your child the attention he is missing.

Let your preschooler help care for the baby. She can hand you diapers, wipes, etc. Ask her opinion such as "Do you think the baby would like to wear the blue shirt or the green one?"

Reserve an activity for your preschooler to do only when you're feeding the baby. That might involve working puzzles or coloring. You could read him a book while he turns the pages.

Sometimes preschoolers exhibit regressive behaviors. It might be their way of getting your attention. Allow your child to have special moments when they can revisit their days as a baby. Look at old photos or videos of him as a baby. Enlist his help in making his own album with duplicates of those photos.

With time and some help from you, your preschooler will adjust to and accept the new baby in your family.

I'm Teaching Classes at Cotton Babies

2011-04-05T20:35:00.002-05:00

I'll be teaching at the Cotton Babies West County Store.
April 14 - Potty Training Made Easy
April 19 - Parenting Your Adopted Child
For information go to http://www.cottonbabies.com/index.php?cPath=99

Tips to deal with separation anxiety

2011-04-04T11:09:00.000-05:00

Tips to deal with separation anxiety

Is Your Child Afraid of Monsters?

2011-04-01T10:55:00.000-05:00

At some point most children will have a fear of monsters. It might be a fear of the dark or that there's a monster in their closet or under their bed.

As a parent it's tempting to dismiss your child's fear by saying "There's no such thing as monsters." That approach usually doesn't alleviate their fear. Young children have magical thinking which gets fused with their perception of reality. To them monsters are very real.

Here are some strategies to help manage the fear.

Monster Spray: Buy an inexpensive can of air freshener. A lavender scent would be a good choice as it has a calming effect. Put a label on the can that says, "GO AWAY MONSTER!” Spray it in your child's room as part of their bedtime routine.

Doorknob Sign: Write "NO MONSTERS" on a piece of cardboard, punch holes in the top corners, add a twelve inch length of string and hang it on your child's bedroom doorknob.

Books: There are some wonderful books that you can read with your child. I recommend Glad Monster, Sad Monster and Go Away Big Green Monster both by Ed Emberley. The monsters are presented in fun and silly ways which makes them less scary. Maurice Sendak's Where The Wild Things Are finds Max on an adventure with monsters where he is in charge of telling what to do. Encourage your child to do the same.

Drawing: Suggest your child draw or paint a picture of what the monster looks like. Have them add a funny hat or clothes and soon the monster looks silly instead of scary. Older children can write a book about their monster. When the child is in control of the storyline it gives him a feeling of power over the monster and lessens anxiety.

A fear of monsters will probably make an appearance in your home. Approach that fear calmly and reassuringly and your child will feel safe and secure.

Helping Children Deal With Disappointment

2011-03-31T16:33:00.000-05:00

Parents often try to protect their child from experiencing disappointment. Admittedly it's difficult to see your child hurting when they don't make the sports team or get invited to a friend's party. You may be tempted to call the coach or the parents and ask why your child wasn't included or ask if they can make an exception. If you take that route are you teaching your child the best way to handle disappointment?

A better approach would be to help your child understand that life is not always fair and it's full of disappointments. Here are some things you can do to support and encourage your child when they're facing disappointment:

* Acknowledge what they're feeling. All feelings are okay. Is your child feeling sad or mad? Perhaps she would like to draw a picture that shows what she's feeling.

* Ask your child what he can do to help himself feel better. Does he need to be alone or with someone? Maybe he needs to do something that makes him feel good about himself. That might include a physical activity, an art project, cooking, etc. Ask him how you can help.

* Remind your child of the last time she was disappointed and what she did to deal with it. It's helpful for a child to remember that they're capable of finding solutions to problems such as disappointment.

* Take a look at yourself. As a parent you should be modeling good ways of coping with disappointment.

Be mindful of teaching your child how to accept disappointments, learn from them and move on. Learning how to manage disappointments as a child will prepare him or her to handle larger challenges later in life.

"Catch" a Feeling

2011-03-29T15:08:00.000-05:00

Use a permanent marker to draw feeling faces onto an inflatable beach ball.

Toss the ball to a child. When he catches it have him identify the feeling face one of his hands lands on. He can also share a time when he felt that feeling. It's a simple and fun way to teach kids about feelings.

It's Hard to be the Middle Child

2011-03-27T13:34:00.001-05:00

QUESTION
I need some help with my three year old daughter. Her older sister just turned five and her little brother just turned one. I think she might be struggling with being the middle child and trying to find her place in the family. She often says, "I want to be a baby.”

She has no interest in potty training. She will not sit on the potty and was more interested before her brother was born. I know not to push and I try very hard but I am ready for her to use the potty! I have tried all the things that worked with my oldest and nothing works. She will be going to preschool in the fall and I want her to be potty trained. Our pediatrician says in her mind she is not a big girl and until she sees herself as such, she won't be ready. I know he’s right, but is there anything I can do to help her see herself as a big girl?

She bites her toenails sometimes, picks her nose and hits her sister. I think she does these things partly because she knows I don't like it. I have tried to ignore the behaviors and when I have she has done them less. Could she be doing these things to get my attention or a reaction from me? I pay special attention to her when I can. I hate that she wants even negative attention. She is also extremely clingy sometimes and wants to be carried around. Sometimes I give in and other times I insist she is a "big" girl and not a baby.

Do you have any suggestions?

MY ANSWER
I think your observations are accurate. It's hard to be the middle child and your daughter is still trying to fit into that special place in your family. Here are some suggestions:

*Validate her need to be a baby. Tell her you know it's hard to not be the baby anymore. She needs to be heard and understood. Perhaps you could have a one-on-one time with her where she is allowed to be a baby for a few minutes.

*Regarding potty training I suggest you tell her that you're not going to remind her anymore to go to the potty. Tell her that she is in charge of putting her poop and pee in the potty. Give her the responsibility and she may just take it instead of making it a power struggle with you.

*Give her little tasks that she can easily accomplish so she feels successful. Then slowly build on those successes. That will help her feel like a big girl more than telling her.

*Continue ignoring inappropriate behaviors and "catch" her being good. Comment when you see her doing something appropriate. Kids will take any attention they can get and they learn that they get more attention with negative behaviors. When you draw attention to good behaviors she will do more of them because she knows it will get your attention.

*Don’t overlook the positive qualities in your daughter. Quite often we spend so much time focused on the negative behaviors that we lose sight of the child. Validate her needs and try to be understanding and patient.

Sign-up to receive Pam's Parenting Tip of the Month

2011-03-27T11:32:00.000-05:00

If you find my parenting tips helpful sign-up to receive a monthly email featuring my Parenting Tip of the Month.

Click HERE to sign-up. I never share your email with anyone else and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Parenting a Shy Child

2011-03-23T15:27:00.000-05:00

Parents are often concerned when their young child is shy. Shyness is often evident when their child experiences a new situation. Parents look around at other children the same age and feel that their child is not as social as other children.

Concerned parents feel they need to do something to help their shy child. They will often enroll their child in numerous activities thinking that more exposure to social situations will help overcome the shyness. It may have the opposite effect. The child may feel so overwhelmed with so many new situations and people that he becomes fearful and has even more difficulty in social situations or he may even regress.

I think the first step is to take a closer look at the reasons for your child's shyness.

Could shyness be a part of her temperament? Is she more introverted than extroverted? If most of your family members are extroverted and she's introverted it's perfectly natural to want her to be like the rest of you. Respect her for the temperament she was born with and try not to change her.

Some children are more cautious in new situations and around new people. Try not to compare him to other children his age as each child develops their social skills at their own pace. A slow-to-warm up, cautious six year old may one day be the teenager who stops and thinks before acting impulsively.

If the child is a preschooler she is still developmentally learning how to navigate social relationships. If she is already participating in social settings look for small signs of progress. Most shy children navigate social situations gradually so applaud the small steps she is making. Tell her you're proud of her for saying hello to a child or adult she didn't know. Build on her strengths.

Pay attention to how you and other family members refer to your child's shyness. Do you use the word shy to describe him? It's possible he takes on some of the attributes of shyness because that's what he hears from the significant adults in her life. If your child hears often enough that he's shy he may start using shyness as an excuse for not trying.

Children learn by watching the people around them and that's usually their parents. Take note of the social behaviors you're role modeling for your child.

Most children outgrow shyness but if your child is struggling consider getting professional help.

What Color Are Your Feelings?

2011-03-22T19:30:00.000-05:00

Provide your child with a simple outline of a body. You could use a cookie cutter as a pattern.

Let your child select from markers or crayons. Suggest that they color in the parts of the body, using different colors, that represent their feelings. For example, ask them what makes someone feel sad. Then ask them to name what color sad would look like. Perhaps they'll say blue is the color they think of when they're sad. Have them use the blue crayon to color in the part of the body that feels sad.

With young children you can expect them to be able to identify four feelings:
Happy, Sad, Mad and Scared.

A variation of this activity would be to bake cookies using the body shaped cookie cutter and use different colors of frosting to identify the feeling colors.

FREE Mental Health Services to Military Personnel and their Families

2011-03-17T10:47:00.000-05:00

Give an Hour is a non-profit organization providing free mental health services to U.S. Military personnel and their families affected by the current conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The services are provided by volunteer therapists. I'm a provider and there are many more across the metro area. Go to the web site Give an Hour to learn more.

Going Through a Divorce and Worried About Your Children?

2011-03-17T08:55:00.000-05:00

"We're getting divorced" are not the words any child wants to hear from their parents. Unfortunately they're words that sometimes have to be said.

How parents tell their child about divorce needs to take into consideration the age of the child and what he or she is able to understand from a developmental perspective.

Our culture tells us that children are resilient and they'll recover from the effects divorce. However, that resilience probably won't happen without some parental guidance and reassurance that they will be able to adjust to the changes in the family. The effects of divorce on a child can be lifelong if attention isn't paid to helping the child adjust.

If you're divorcing you need to know as much information as possible to help your child make a good recovery. Consulting with a therapist or parent coach about what to say to your child is a good starting point. A professional who is experienced in helping families adjust to divorce will help you better understand how your child perceives divorce, possible effects on your child and how you can help your child manage the many emotions they are feeling.

Don't assume your child will be okay after a divorce and don't hesitate to ask for help.

Inexpensive Paint Smock

2011-03-14T13:02:00.000-05:00

Cut a six inch circle in an old hand towel to make an inexpensive paint smock for a young child. The child can wipe their hands right on the smock and it's easy to clean by throwing it in the washer with other towels.

Is Your Child Afraid of Monsters?

2011-03-09T21:17:00.000-06:00

I offered some suggestions this morning on Great Day St. Louis for easing the fear of monsters.

My segment begins at the 5:00 minute mark.

Do Parents Ask Too Many Questions?

2011-03-08T07:44:00.001-06:00

This was the question recently posed to me by the home and family editor of the St. Louis Post Dispatch. You can read my response here: Parents Talk Back by Aisha Sultan

Grab Your Hat and Read with the Cat!

2011-03-02T07:53:00.000-06:00

March 2, 2011 is the 107th anniversary of the birth of Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known to the world as Dr. Seuss. In honor of Dr. Seuss the National Education Association has adopted March 2nd as the annual date for Read Across America.

Across the country, thousands of schools, libraries, and community centers participate by bringing together kids, teens, and books. Seussville has guides and activities to celebrate reading with young people.

Observe the day by reading Dr. Seuss books to your child. Your child might even enjoy dressing like his favorite Seuss character.

Here are some of my favorite Dr. Seuss quotes:

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose."

"Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way."

"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you. "

Is Your Child Exhibiting Separation Anxiety?

2011-03-01T15:58:00.000-06:00

Start leaving your child with people you trust at an early age.

Start out with short periods of time and then slowly increase the length of time. It will make your child and you feel more comfortable with the separation.

Never sneak away when you leave your child. Create a good bye ritual. Include a hug, a kiss, and an “I love you,” You might also want to kiss the palms of your child’s hand and have your child save those kisses in their pocket. If they miss you, they can reach into their pocket, pull out a kiss and place it on their cheek.

You may also want to read your child the book The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn.

Little Chester, the raccoon, doesn't want to leave his mother to go off to school. His mother shares a little secret of "the kissing hand" by kissing the palm of his hand. She tells him if he gets lonely at school he can just press his palm against his cheek to feel that his mother's love is with him. He gives his mother a kissing hand too. A great story to share with children who may be anxious about making new friends or leaving the comforts of home.

Catch Your Child Being Good

2011-02-22T14:47:00.000-06:00

Children love attention and they will do anything to get it. If the only way to get your attention is to do something bad, it's not hard to figure out which behavior she'll do repeatedly.

Try to catch your child doing something good. Call your child by name when you see her doing something positive. You might say, "Kelsey, I saw you help your brother put on his jacket. That's great!" After she gets over the initial shock of hearing her name followed by something positive rather than negative, she'll smile proudly, stand a little taller and make an effort to get caught doing something right in the future.

Stay away from generic praise such as, "You were good today." Find specific incidents which define good behavior. "Thank you for remembering to pick up your toys," and "You took turns with your sister," describe the behaviors you want from your child.

Praise and attention are powerful motivators. Catch your child doing something good this week and comment on it. Your child will love the attention and you will have added something new to your bag of parenting tricks.

All Behavior Has a Purpose

2011-02-21T16:44:00.000-06:00

Most of the time children either get something or they avoid something by engaging in a particular behavior. Think of a problem behavior you are currently seeing. What do you think your child is getting or avoiding by engaging in that behavior?

If your child uses a behavior to get something, try and figure out what he's hoping to gain. It could be attention, an item, an activity or control.

If the behavior is to avoid something ask yourself if your child is trying to avoid attention, tasks, demands or activities.

Now take a closer look at what triggers the behavior. What happens right before, or what sets off the behavior? Also note anything that sets up the behavior. This could be something related to home or family, social or environmental conditions, biological or medical conditions.

Once you've established the above, ask yourself the following questions:

When is the problem behavior least likely to occur?

When is my child most successful at managing this behavior?

Use the answers to these two questions to come up with a plan to address or redirect the problem behavior. Are you able to eliminate the trigger? Make your child a part of the solution by enlisting his help in coming up with a way to change the behavior.

I'd like your thoughts about problem behaviors to which you've felt challenged and how you went about redirecting them.

I'm Not Afraid!

2011-02-19T08:14:00.000-06:00

Almost every child has gone through a phase of being afraid of monsters. They see them in the shadows of their room while lying in bed, they think they're in the closet and under the bed. It can be very exhausting for a parent to constantly reassure their child that there are no monsters in their room.

I have an easy, inexpensive suggestion. Buy a can of air freshener, preferably lavender scented as it can have a calming effect. Make a label that reads, MONSTER SPRAY; wrap it around the can and secure it with glue or tape.

During your child's bedtime routine (your child DOES have one I hope) spray the room while your child repeats the phrase, "I'M NOT AFRAID!." It should help ward off his fear and make bedtime much easier.

"Oh, Mom! It's Only Change!"

2011-02-18T09:39:00.000-06:00

That was my young daughter's response when I asked her why there were coins scattered on the floor of her room. I told her I was going to vacuum and the coins had to be picked up. She ignored me. My response was telling her that if I had to pick the coins up I was going to keep them. She shrugged her shoulders and said it was fine.

Over the course of the next few weeks, whenever I vacuumed her room, I put the coins I found into a jar. When the jar was half full, I took it to her room, dumped it on her bed and told her to help me count it. It totaled nearly five dollars! I scooped the coins back into the jar while talking out loud about what I was going to buy with the money. By the look of disbelief on her face I knew my little experiment had been successful.

I never again found coins on her floor. What have you done to teach your children about the value of money?

When Does a Child Need Therapy?

2011-02-16T12:43:00.002-06:00

Therapy can be beneficial to children who are dealing with death, abandonment, or abuse. Children who are experiencing difficulty adjusting to moving, starting school or divorce can find emotional support in therapy.

All children, from time to time, exhibit what adults may call “abnormal behavior.” When a child exhibits the same abnormal behaviors over a long period of time or when a child exhibits several abnormal behaviors at once, it’s wise to seek help.

The first step would be to have the child evaluated for a physical cause to the abnormal behavior. If there’s no indication of a physical cause or if medical treatment does not eliminate the abnormal behaviors, therapy should be the next step.

Does My Child Have Social Anxiety?

2011-02-15T14:49:00.000-06:00

I recently had a parent express the following concern:

We have a 4 year old who is very shy. It often shows up when she experiences a new situation. She recently started preschool and although the teacher says she is making great progress she is not social like the other children. She has been participating in gymnastics for two years and is just now at the point where she will participate and talk with the instructor.

I am wondering if she has social anxiety? What can we do to help her. Does she need to be introduced to new situations and activities?

This is my response:

Being shy could be a part of her temperament. She could also be more introverted than extroverted. If most of your family members are extroverted and she's introverted it's perfectly natural for you to want her to be like the rest of you. Some children are more cautious in new situations. Try not to compare her to other children her age as each child develops at their own pace.

As a four year old, she is still developmentally learning how to navigate social relationships. It sounds like she is already active in social settings and that specifically at school her teacher sees she is making progress. That's a good thing and it's a gradual thing so applaud the small steps she is making. Tell her you're proud of her. Build on her strengths. Between school and gymnastics I think she's involved in ample opportunities for developing social skills. If you involve her in too many activities she may become overwhelmed and have even more difficulty socially.

Pay attention to how you and other family members refer to her shyness. Do you use that word to describe her? It's possible she takes on some of the attributes of shyness because that's what she hears from the significant adults in her life.

Social anxiety disorder includes an inability to participate in social settings, worrying about fitting it, panic attacks, etc. It's difficult to diagnosis such a disorder in a preschooler as we cannot discount the fact that some of their shyness and or anxiety can be related to the fact that their social skills are still evolving.

Do You Model Good Stress Managment for Your Children?

2011-02-13T14:00:00.000-06:00

The word stress brings to mind negative feelings of being overwhelmed and overloaded.

Too much stress can cause exhaustion and impede our judgment. However, it’s important to recognize that stress can be good. Stress provides a rush of adrenalin that gets us through life’s challenges. Stress itself is not the problem. The way the body responds to stress is the problem.

No two people respond to stress in the same way and there is no single right way to cope with stress. Each of us needs to experiment with different ways of managing stress until we find one that works best.

One of my own ways of responding to stress is through deep breathing. It’s recommend by author and physician, Dr. Andrew Weil who calls it The 4-7-8 (or Relaxing Breath) Exercise.

1. Slowly breathe in through your nose to the count of 4.

2. Hold the breath for a count of 7.

3. Slowly exhale through your mouth for a count of 8. When you exhale make a soft “whoosh” sound by holding the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth.

4. Repeat three more times.

I have found this breathing exercise to be very useful and it’s something I always have with me. I use it whenever something upsetting happens – before I react. I also find it useful to help me fall asleep.

One mother I worked with practiced this deep breathing exercise and whenever she started to snap at her children her young daughter would say, “Mom, remember to breath!”

Children learn how to cope with stress from watching adults handle their problems. Are you satisfied with the way you respond to stress? What stress management skills would you like your child to learn from you?

Let's Make Play-Dough!

2011-02-10T15:20:00.001-06:00

The winter weather has brought snow and frigid temperatures. Schools are canceled and parents are looking for fun things to keep kids occupied. I suggest making play dough. Here's my favorite recipe.

1 cup flour
1/2 cup salt
1 cup water
1 tablespoon oil
2 teaspoons cream of tartar
Food coloring

Mix dry ingredients in a saucepan. Add oil, water and food coloring and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly. Remove from heat when dough begins to pull away from the sides of the saucepan and forms a ball. Pour out and knead a few minutes. Store play-dough in a plastic bag or airtight container.

Use cookie sheets for a play dough surface. It's easy to clean and the edges keep the play-dough contained. Plastic knives, Popsicle sticks, and cookie cutters make great tools. An empty plastic bottle can be a rolling pin. Encourage your child to roll out the dough into long snakes. Pinch and twist the snakes into shapes, letters of the alphabet and their name. All these activities increase hand strength and strengthen fine motor skills.

Simple Ways to Tell Your Child, "I Love You!"

2011-02-10T13:56:00.000-06:00

Use a heart-shaped cookie cutter to make their toast or their sandwich.

Tuck a love note into their backpack. Write a short note or draw a smiley face on a napkin and put it in their lunch box. Slide the note under their dinner plate or place it under their pillow.

Give your child coupons redeemable for things like a half hour of your undivided attention, their favorite dinner, playing a board game with them, etc. Send your child on a scavenger hunt around the house to find the coupons.

Guaranteed to Make a Child Smile

2011-02-08T16:25:00.001-06:00

Write a letter to your child and mail it. Children rarely receive mail so when they do it’s special.

Dear________________________

I was just thinking about you and

what I was thinking is you are so__________

Love___________

Don't Be Afraid of Making Mistakes

2011-02-07T08:27:00.000-06:00

What do you first do when you learn to swim? You make mistakes, do you not? And what happens? You make other mistakes, and when you have made all the mistakes you possibly can without drowning - and some of them many times over - what do you find? That you can swim? Well - life is just the same as learning to swim! Do not be afraid of making mistakes, for there is no other way of learning how to live!" ~ psychiatrist, Alfred Adler.

As a parent you'll make mistakes. That's a given. Parenting is about trail and error so when it comes to discipline don’t be afraid to try something new with your child. Sometimes you'll be successful and sometimes you won't. When you do make a mistake apologize to your child. Tell him or her you’re doing the best you can and that sometimes you make mistakes. What a great way to be a positive role model for your child.

Whose Birthday Is It?

2011-02-06T08:25:00.000-06:00

My daughter Emilie was eight when she walked into the dining room as I was setting the table for dinner. She asked, “Whose birthday is it?” I replied, “It’s no ones birthday, I just thought it would be nice for us to have dinner in the dining room.” She gave me a puzzled look and walked away her ponytail swaying behind her.

Her question made me stop and ask myself, “Have I been giving my family the impression that they’re not special enough to eat in the dining room unless it’s their birthday?” Who can be more special than family?

Use the good dishes and light some candles. Even grilled cheese will look like a gourmet meal.