Don't Hide Your Feelings

I often work with families who are in the midst of a crisis. Emotions are running high and mom and dad's parenting techniques are no longer effective. They're understandably concerned about their child who is suddenly fearful of being separated from them and is anxious about everything.

The crisis that brought them into my office has them admitting that they too are feeling many of these same emotions. They're trying very hard to hide their feelings from their child. They want to be strong and not let their child see they're vulnerable as they're fearful this would cause their child to feel even more anxiety.

This crisis affected the entire family yet mom and dad aren't talking about how they feel. Their daughter is getting the message that she's the only one who is experiencing such intense emotions.

I encourage the parents to stop pretending they're okay. I suggest they sit down with their daughter and be honest with her. They need to tell her that they too are feeling scared and anxious. By validating her feelings and sharing their own they're telling her she's not alone. They should enlist her help in coming up with suggestions for what they can do to calm themselves and get through this challenging situation.

Once they've weathered this current storm they'll feel good in knowing they got through it together. It will also be a life lesson that they can fall back on the next time their family faces a difficult situation.

Are You a Play Therapist in the St. Louis Area?

Are you looking for a way to connect with other play therapists? I encourage you to join a new group, “St. Louis Play Therapists,” on Facebook by clicking on the link below:

FACEBOOK

This is a private group with the majority of information on the page only visible to the members. The group will be frequently updated with links to resources and conferences. Networking is an invaluable resource and I encourage you to participate.

What Type of Parent Are You?

There's no right or wrong way to parent but your parenting style can strongly influence the failure or success of your child. Let's take a look at three basic styles of parenting which were identified in 1966 by psychologist Diana Blumberg Baumrind.

Authoritarian Parents are "too hard." They have a tendency to over-control their children, with absolute rules and standards. They emphasize a high degree of control, which may be void of warmth and trust. This parenting style may cause a child to feel rejected and isolated. Children of authoritarian parents may have poorly developed social skills and have a tendency to remain dependent on their parents.



Permissive Parents are "too soft" and are the opposite of authoritarian parents. They show their child considerable warmth and affection, are generally very accepting, exercise a low level of control over their children, and make very few demands upon their children. Children of permissive parents tend to become moderately independent and achieve modest degrees of social success.


Authoritative parents fall in-between these two extremes. They have considerable control over their children but they also exhibit warmth and affection and seem to have appropriate expectations for their children. Their children tend to be independent and socially successful. This is the style most recommended by parenting experts.




The way you parent your child may be one of these styles or it may be a combination. If you're unhappy with the way you are parenting I encourage you to consult with a parenting coach or a therapist to learn techniques to parent in a more authoritative style.

Teaching Young Children About Feelings

It's important for children to recognize and name feelings. Young children are usually able to understand four basic feelings of Happy, Sad, Mad and Scared.

Stick puppets are a fun way to help your child learn to identify these feelings.

You can draw these feeling faces or have your child draw them. Better yet, draw them together. Attach them to a  craft stick using tape. Now it's time for the feelings puppet show to begin! Stand a two-pocket folder on its end for a puppet stage. Take turns with your child telling a story using the feeling puppets. Ideas for a story might be, "Grandpa and Grandma are coming for a visit," "My favorite toy  is lost," "Mom won't let me have a cookie." or "It's dark in my room." At the end of each story discuss with your child ways to cope with each feeling. "When you're feeling mad you can take three deeps breaths."  "When sad you can sing a song to feel happy."

When the show is over the puppets can be stored in the pockets until it's time for the next feelings puppet show.

Let's Make Play-Dough!

The winter weather has brought snow and frigid temperatures. Schools are canceled and parents are looking for fun things to keep kids occupied. I suggest making play dough. Here's my favorite recipe.

1 cup flour
1/2 cup salt
1 cup water
1 tablespoon oil
2 teaspoons cream of tartar
Food coloring

Mix dry ingredients in a saucepan. Add oil, water and food coloring and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly. Remove from heat when dough begins to pull away from the sides of the saucepan and forms a ball. Pour out and knead a few minutes. Store play-dough in a plastic bag or airtight container.

Use cookie sheets for a play dough surface. It's easy to clean and the edges keep the play-dough contained. Plastic knives, Popsicle sticks, and cookie cutters make great tools. An empty plastic bottle can be a rolling pin. Encourage your child to roll out the dough into long snakes. Pinch and twist the snakes into shapes, letters of the alphabet and their name. All these activities increase hand strength and strengthen fine motor skills.

WARNING: Use of play-dough can cause creativity to go wild!

Attachment Disorder Support Group

Are you parenting a child who has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder?

Are you looking for help and support from other parents who are facing similar challenges?

An Attachment Disorder Support Group has been meeting monthly, in West St. Louis County, since the spring of 2009. It's a place where parents can feel supported and heard, learn more about the causes and treatment of Attachment Disorder, and network about available resources.

Our next meeting is Thursday, January 21st at 7pm.

We meet at my office at 15332 Manchester Road, Suite 209 in Ellisville 63011.

For more information and to RSVP contact me via private message, email me pam@pamdyson.com or call 314-681-8272.

Join us and learn you're no longer alone and finally understood.

How Are You Doing?

It's a new year and a good time to take a close look at how you interact with your children. The next time you've had a difficult moment ask yourself the following questions:

Would I want someone to say to me what I just said to my child?

Am I talking to my child in such a way that he hears what I'm saying instead of tuning me out?

What am I trying to to accomplish with my child?

If your answers are not what you want them to be don't beat yourself up. We all have moments where we're not the parent we want to be. Take a deep breath and say to yourself, Tomorrow is a "great big do-over." Then take a few moments to re-frame that difficult moment and think of how you can handle it differently next time.

Just as it takes time to break a bad habit it will take time to change the way you interact with your child. Take it one small step at a time and be aware that success lies in the trying.