I was a guest of Monica's Adams on her Health and Fitness show this past Sunday, November 28th.
You can listen to the podcast HERE
November 29, 2010
November 8, 2010
Children and Chores
Do your children have chores? Is it easier to just do things yourself? In my work as a parenting coach I often hear parents describe how much time and patience it takes to allow children to do things for themselves. I remind parents that assigning children chores teaches them what's involved in running a household and that they're an important member of the family team.
Here are some guidelines for establishing chores with your children.
Choose age-appropriate chores
Choose chores based on your child's age and physical ability but don't underestimate your child's ability either.
Preschoolers can usually complete two simple jobs. As your child gets older they can be responsible for not only more chores but also ones that are more challenging.
Don't expect perfection
Your idea of how to properly make a bed is probably going to be very different from your four year old. Don't turn it into a struggle and don't resort to redoing what they've already done or they'll feel inadequate and resist helping out.
Be very specific
Instead of saying, "Clean your room," say "Put the books on the shelf, the stuffed animals on the bed and the dirty clothes in the hamper." Without step-by-step instructions young children often feel overwhelmed and don't know where to begin.
Put it in writing
Children often need a reminder to do their chores. A visual schedule with photos of your child doing each chore is an effective reminder. Hang it where everyone in the family will be able to see it.
Suggestions for age-appropriate chores for children
Ages 2-3: Put toys away, put clothes in hamper, fill pet's food dish
Ages 4-5: Make own bed, empty wastebaskets, fold laundry
Ages 6-7: Set and clear table, help make and pack lunch, sweep floor
Ages 8-9: Put away groceries, help make dinner, vacuum
Ages 10 and up: Cook simple meals with supervision, baby-sit younger siblings with adult present, change bathroom or change bed linens
If your child forgets or refuses to do their chores don't do them yourself. Remind them of what they need to do and if they're uncooperative then there should be a consequence. If children aren't expected to follow through they might start putting off chores hoping that you will do the chores for them.
Having children do chores might seem like more trouble than it's worth. Keep in mind that chores teach children responsibility, self-confidence and a sense of accomplishment. They learn that being a part of the family team includes contributing to the functioning of the home. This in turn will help them grow into responsible, independent adults.
Have you assigned your children chores but your children aren't completing them? Have you tried every approach possible and nothing is working?
Parent Coaching can help! Sessions can be conducted by phone or in person at a time that's convenient for you. I will work collaboratively with you to find solutions to your most challenging parenting problems. Email support between coaching sessions is included in the coaching fee.
Would you like me to speak at your next event? I'm a frequent speaker at parenting events, moms groups and educational programs. My topics include but are not limited to "Managing Challenging Behaviors in Young Children," "Positive Discipline" and "Helping Siblings Get Along." Contact me regarding availability.
Here are some guidelines for establishing chores with your children.
Choose age-appropriate chores
Choose chores based on your child's age and physical ability but don't underestimate your child's ability either.
Preschoolers can usually complete two simple jobs. As your child gets older they can be responsible for not only more chores but also ones that are more challenging.
Don't expect perfection
Your idea of how to properly make a bed is probably going to be very different from your four year old. Don't turn it into a struggle and don't resort to redoing what they've already done or they'll feel inadequate and resist helping out.
Be very specific
Instead of saying, "Clean your room," say "Put the books on the shelf, the stuffed animals on the bed and the dirty clothes in the hamper." Without step-by-step instructions young children often feel overwhelmed and don't know where to begin.
Put it in writing
Children often need a reminder to do their chores. A visual schedule with photos of your child doing each chore is an effective reminder. Hang it where everyone in the family will be able to see it.
Suggestions for age-appropriate chores for children
Ages 2-3: Put toys away, put clothes in hamper, fill pet's food dish
Ages 4-5: Make own bed, empty wastebaskets, fold laundry
Ages 6-7: Set and clear table, help make and pack lunch, sweep floor
Ages 8-9: Put away groceries, help make dinner, vacuum
Ages 10 and up: Cook simple meals with supervision, baby-sit younger siblings with adult present, change bathroom or change bed linens
If your child forgets or refuses to do their chores don't do them yourself. Remind them of what they need to do and if they're uncooperative then there should be a consequence. If children aren't expected to follow through they might start putting off chores hoping that you will do the chores for them.
Having children do chores might seem like more trouble than it's worth. Keep in mind that chores teach children responsibility, self-confidence and a sense of accomplishment. They learn that being a part of the family team includes contributing to the functioning of the home. This in turn will help them grow into responsible, independent adults.
Have you assigned your children chores but your children aren't completing them? Have you tried every approach possible and nothing is working?
Parent Coaching can help! Sessions can be conducted by phone or in person at a time that's convenient for you. I will work collaboratively with you to find solutions to your most challenging parenting problems. Email support between coaching sessions is included in the coaching fee.
Would you like me to speak at your next event? I'm a frequent speaker at parenting events, moms groups and educational programs. My topics include but are not limited to "Managing Challenging Behaviors in Young Children," "Positive Discipline" and "Helping Siblings Get Along." Contact me regarding availability.
November 1, 2010
PAT Workshop at the Clarkson Valley Early Childhood Center
I'm facilitating a workshop on Thursday, November 4th at the Clarkson Valley Early Childhood Center. If you reside in the Rockwood District I encourage you to attend.
The topic is "Managing Challenging Behaviors in Young Children." Here's a description of what will be covered: Children often exhibit challenging behavior when they don't have the skills needed to display more appropriate behaviors. This presentation will help parents understand why challenging behaviors occur and offer strategies to better manage those behaviors.
Click HERE for more information.
The topic is "Managing Challenging Behaviors in Young Children." Here's a description of what will be covered: Children often exhibit challenging behavior when they don't have the skills needed to display more appropriate behaviors. This presentation will help parents understand why challenging behaviors occur and offer strategies to better manage those behaviors.
Click HERE for more information.
October 28, 2010
October 4, 2010
The Top 3 Parenting Mistakes
When parenting it's not always easy to know what to do in various situations. From time to time we're going to mistakes. That's inevitable. In my work as a Parenting Coach I see the same mistakes being repeated over and over. This month's parenting tip takes a closer look at the top three mistakes parents make and how you can correct them.
1. Dismissing your child's feelings
"You've been mad long enough." "It's silly to feel that way." "You're too sensitive." Ever say those things to your child? When you do you're dismissing your child's feelings and your child doesn't feel heard or understood. Think about it this way. If you called a friend and shared that you'd had a terrible day (a flat tire, a sick pet, the washing machine stopped working) and your friend said, "Get over it. You really do make too much of these things, " how would you feel? Brushed aside, dismissed? Chances are your child feels the same way if you dismiss what he or she is feeling. Try saying something like, "That sounds really frustrating," or "I can see why you're mad," the next time your child is expressing an emotion. I can almost guarantee your child will react differently once they feel heard and understood.
2. Not following through on consequences
The only thing worse than not having rules and consequences is not enforcing consequences. Do you threaten your child but never follow through? Are your consequences so unreasonable that you simply can't follow through with them? Let's say your child leaves his bike in the driveway. You tell him three times to put his bike in the garage and he simply ignores you. You're frustrated so you resort to this threat, "If you don't put your bike in the garage I'm going to throw it in the trash!" Your child continues to ignore you. Why? Because he knows you'd never throw his bike in the trash. This would be a more appropriate consequence, "If you don't put your bike in the garage you won't be allowed to ride it for a week." This is a consequence you can follow through with and you've now given your child a choice. He can choose to put the bike in the garage or he can choose to lose it for a week. His choice. Just make sure you follow through if he decides not to put his bike in the garage.
3. Over-explaining things
If you tell your child ten times to put his pajamas on and he doesn't respond what makes you think the eleventh time will do the trick? Take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Are you using too many words? Many children tune you out when you ramble on and on and on. Be matter of fact and state only what needs to be said. What is the age of the child to which you're explaining things? If your child is a preschooler he's not developmentally able to be rational. The cognitive ability to be rational doesn't begin to emerge until the age of seven so use only as few words as possible. Sometimes over-explaining turns into a verbal tug-of-war and the next thing you know you and your child are arguing and the original subject matter is forgotten. It takes two to argue so if you remove yourself from the argument it can't continue.
Side Note:
Not recognizing your parenting mistakes is almost as big a problem as not trying to fix them. Is what you are doing working? If not, then you probably need some new tools in your parenting tool box.
1. Dismissing your child's feelings
"You've been mad long enough." "It's silly to feel that way." "You're too sensitive." Ever say those things to your child? When you do you're dismissing your child's feelings and your child doesn't feel heard or understood. Think about it this way. If you called a friend and shared that you'd had a terrible day (a flat tire, a sick pet, the washing machine stopped working) and your friend said, "Get over it. You really do make too much of these things, " how would you feel? Brushed aside, dismissed? Chances are your child feels the same way if you dismiss what he or she is feeling. Try saying something like, "That sounds really frustrating," or "I can see why you're mad," the next time your child is expressing an emotion. I can almost guarantee your child will react differently once they feel heard and understood.
2. Not following through on consequences
The only thing worse than not having rules and consequences is not enforcing consequences. Do you threaten your child but never follow through? Are your consequences so unreasonable that you simply can't follow through with them? Let's say your child leaves his bike in the driveway. You tell him three times to put his bike in the garage and he simply ignores you. You're frustrated so you resort to this threat, "If you don't put your bike in the garage I'm going to throw it in the trash!" Your child continues to ignore you. Why? Because he knows you'd never throw his bike in the trash. This would be a more appropriate consequence, "If you don't put your bike in the garage you won't be allowed to ride it for a week." This is a consequence you can follow through with and you've now given your child a choice. He can choose to put the bike in the garage or he can choose to lose it for a week. His choice. Just make sure you follow through if he decides not to put his bike in the garage.
3. Over-explaining things
If you tell your child ten times to put his pajamas on and he doesn't respond what makes you think the eleventh time will do the trick? Take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Are you using too many words? Many children tune you out when you ramble on and on and on. Be matter of fact and state only what needs to be said. What is the age of the child to which you're explaining things? If your child is a preschooler he's not developmentally able to be rational. The cognitive ability to be rational doesn't begin to emerge until the age of seven so use only as few words as possible. Sometimes over-explaining turns into a verbal tug-of-war and the next thing you know you and your child are arguing and the original subject matter is forgotten. It takes two to argue so if you remove yourself from the argument it can't continue.
Side Note:
Not recognizing your parenting mistakes is almost as big a problem as not trying to fix them. Is what you are doing working? If not, then you probably need some new tools in your parenting tool box.
September 30, 2010
12 Things Teachers & Schools Wish Parents Would Do
Katy Farber, teacher and author of Why Great Teachers Quit and How We Might Stop the Exodus, shares 12 Things Teachers & Schools Wish Parents Would Do.
1. Establish a daily family routine, including healthy eating and sleeping habits.
2. Build your child's self-esteem by expressing interest in your child's schoolwork and affirming the child's worth through positive messages.
3. Communicate openly with the school and contact the school when you are aware of issues concerning your child's success.
4. Approach your child's teachers directly with an issue rather than going to the school office or principal first.
5. Express high and realistic standards for your child.
6. Check on homework regularly and ask questions about your child's work.
7. Read aloud daily to/with your child.
8. Connect everyday experiences to what is your child is learning at school.
9. Use community learning opportunities. Expose your child to the library, museums, the theater, concerts, etc. Encourage your child to join clubs, scouts, afterschool sports or fine arts, and other community programs.
10. Monitor out-of-school activities and set expectations for appropriate behavior.
11. Model learning at home by playing games, reading newspapers or magazines, and discussing current events.
12. Volunteer to help in your child's classroom, as much as you reasonably can. Parents and teachers have the unique and powerful opportunity to develop a strong, supportive relationship that can motivate and inspire children to do great things. We owe it to our kids and to ourselves to find ways to build positive partnerships and a respectful climate. By doing so, we not only can give our children the best education possible, but we also increase the likelihood that teachers will stay in the field doing what they do best.
Source: Cafe Mom Blog
1. Establish a daily family routine, including healthy eating and sleeping habits.
2. Build your child's self-esteem by expressing interest in your child's schoolwork and affirming the child's worth through positive messages.
3. Communicate openly with the school and contact the school when you are aware of issues concerning your child's success.
4. Approach your child's teachers directly with an issue rather than going to the school office or principal first.
5. Express high and realistic standards for your child.
6. Check on homework regularly and ask questions about your child's work.
7. Read aloud daily to/with your child.
8. Connect everyday experiences to what is your child is learning at school.
9. Use community learning opportunities. Expose your child to the library, museums, the theater, concerts, etc. Encourage your child to join clubs, scouts, afterschool sports or fine arts, and other community programs.
10. Monitor out-of-school activities and set expectations for appropriate behavior.
11. Model learning at home by playing games, reading newspapers or magazines, and discussing current events.
12. Volunteer to help in your child's classroom, as much as you reasonably can. Parents and teachers have the unique and powerful opportunity to develop a strong, supportive relationship that can motivate and inspire children to do great things. We owe it to our kids and to ourselves to find ways to build positive partnerships and a respectful climate. By doing so, we not only can give our children the best education possible, but we also increase the likelihood that teachers will stay in the field doing what they do best.
Source: Cafe Mom Blog
September 10, 2010
ADHD Awareness Week, September 13-17
NEW YORK, NY – Four national organizations – ADHD Coaches Organization (ACO); Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA); ADDitude magazine; and Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) – are issuing a joint call to the public to assist children, adults, and families who are affected by ADHD. On the occasion of ADHD Awareness Week, September 13-17, they’ve compiled evidence-based information and links to available resources and supports at www.adhdawareness2010
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