Simple Ways to Tell Your Child, "I Love You!"

If you’re a parent you probably do something special on Valentine’s Day to show your children them how much you love them.  Sometimes those little reminders go by the wayside the rest of the year. Here are some simple ways to keep that message alive all year long.

 

·         Use a heart-shaped cookie cutter to make their toast or sandwich.

·         Tuck a love note into their backpack. Write a short note or draw a smiley face on a napkin and put it in their lunch box. Slide the note under their dinner plate or place it under their pillow.

·         Give your child coupons redeemable for things like a half hour of your undivided attention, their favorite dinner, playing a board game with them, etc. Send your child on a scavenger hunt around the house to find those coupons.

·         Write a letter to your child and mail it. Children rarely receive mail so when they do it’s special.

Dear________________________

I was just thinking about you and

what I was thinking is you are so__________

Love___________

·         Hang a calendar above your child's bed. Each day write one thing one positive thing about your child or one positive behavior your child did. At bedtime you share what was written. It sets a positive tone and it's much easier for both child and parents to fall asleep knowing the day ended on a positive note.

Don’t limit showing love to your child to Valentine’s Day. Make it a part of your everyday routine.

Family Game Night

Looking for a fun activity to do as a family instead of watching TV?  Schedule a family game night. If you're tired of the games you already own or you're looking for something different I have a suggestion for a game that the entire family can not only play but can help assemble.   

If you're like most families you have all kinds of little toys lying around the house. Ever step on a Lego in the middle of the night? OUCH! You probably have a junk drawer overflowing with items you're afraid to toss out because you might need them someday.  

  

Send your family members on a scavenger hunt around the house to gather those items together and put them into a shoe box. You've just assembled a Story Starter Game! 

 

The directions for this game are simple. Lay out the objects so everyone can see them. Decide who will go first. That person selects one object and uses it to start a story. For example, "Once upon a time there was a race car." The next person selects an object, sits it down next to the race car and adds another line to the story. "The race car noticed a stop sign up ahead." Family members continue selecting objects and adding to the story until all the objects have been used.

A variation is to put all the objects inside a paper bag. Each family member randomly pulls out one object at a time and the story is told in that order. 

The Story Starter Game is suitable for both children and adults. Even the youngest of children can participate. The story will be different each time you play. You can use it while traveling and think of what fun it would be to use it at a family reunion.  

Put the cell phones down, turn off the computer and video games, and gather the family together for Story Starter Game Night.  

Equal or Fair?

There's a big difference between "equal" and "fair." It's impossible for parents to treat their children equally and it wouldn't be fair if you could. As a parent have you fallen into the pattern of what you do for one child you do for the other? Do you try to treat your children equally when it comes to attention, time and things?

Perhaps it's time to look at treating your children fairly instead of equally. Equal and fair are not the same thing. Treating children equally means you treat them exactly the same. Treating children fairly means you take into account the individual needs of each child.

For example, your youngest child needs a new pair of shoes. His sister says, "I didn't get a new pair of shoes. That's not fair!" It's important to point out that her sibling outgrew their shoes and needed a new pair so that was fair. Getting a new pair of shoes, when they're not needed, simply because a sibling received a new pair would be equal treatment not fair treatment and in our family we believe in being fair.

Using a fair approach instead of an equal approach might be something you are not currently doing or perhaps you are challenged with doing it as consistently as you would like. Take a close look at why you treat your children equally instead of fairly. Ask yourself some questions. Do I not want to hurt my child's feelings? Does it bother me to see my child disappointed? Am I afraid my children will think I love one of them more than the other? What message am I sending to my children when I treat them equally all of the time?

I encourage you to take small steps in changing the way you treat your children. Strive to treat them fairly and not equally.

Top Mistakes to Avoid with Your Kids

Parenting effectively involves a lot of trial and error. It's not always easy to know what to do in various situations. From time to time you’re going to make mistakes. That's inevitable.  In my work as a parenting coach I see the same mistakes being repeated over and over. Let’s take a closer look at the top three mistakes parents make and how you can correct them.


1. Dismissing your child's feelings

"You've been mad long enough." "It's silly to feel that way." "You're too sensitive." Ever say those things to your child? When you do you're dismissing your child's feelings and your child doesn't feel heard or understood. Think about it this way. If you called a friend and shared that you'd had a terrible day (a flat tire, a sick pet, the washing machine stopped working) and your friend said, "Get over it. You’re making too big of a deal out of this,” how would you feel? Brushed aside, dismissed? Chances are your child feels the same way if you dismiss what he or she is feeling. Try saying something like, "That sounds really frustrating," or "I can see why you're mad," the next time your child is expressing an emotion. I can almost guarantee your child will react differently once they feel heard and understood.

2. Not following through on consequences

There’s only thing worse than not having rules and consequences is not enforcing consequences. Do you threaten your child but never follow through? Are your consequences so unreasonable that you simply can't follow through with them? Let's say your child leaves his bike in the driveway. You tell him three times to put his bike in the garage and he simply ignores you. You're frustrated so you resort to this threat, "If you don't put your bike in the garage I'm going to throw it in the trash!" Your child continues to ignore you. Why? Because he knows you'd never throw his bike in the trash. This would be a more appropriate consequence, "If you don't put your bike in the garage you won't be allowed to ride it for a week." This is a more reasonable consequence and you've now given your child a choice. He can choose to put the bike in the garage or he can choose to lose it for a week. It’s his choice. Just make sure you follow through if he decides not to put his bike in the garage.

3. Over-explaining things

If you tell your child ten times to put his pajamas on and he doesn't respond what makes you think the eleventh time will do the trick? Take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Are you using too many words? Many children tune you out when you ramble on and on and on. Be matter of fact and state only what needs to be said. What is the age of the child to which you're explaining things? If your child is a preschooler he's not developmentally able to be rational. The cognitive ability to be rational doesn't begin to emerge until the age of seven so use as few words as possible. Over-explaining often turns into a verbal tug-of-war and the next thing you know you and your child are arguing and the original subject matter is forgotten. It takes two to argue so if you remove yourself from the argument it can't continue.

Side Note:

Not recognizing your parenting mistakes is almost as big a problem as not trying to fix them. Is what you are doing working? If not, then you probably need some new tools in your parenting tool box.