A Child's Behavior Has a Purpose

Most of the time children either get something or they avoid something by engaging in a particular behavior. Think of a problem behavior your child is currently displaying. What do you think your child is getting or avoiding by engaging in that behavior?

If your child uses a behavior to get something, try and identify what he is hoping to gain. It could be your attention, something tangible (candy) a preferred activity (watching TV) or control (power struggle). 

If the behavior is to avoid something ask yourself if your child is trying to avoid attention, difficult tasks (homework) demands (picking up toys) or activities (sports practice). 

Temper tantrums are something children often use to get what they want or to avoid doing something.Now take a closer look at what triggers the behavior. What happens right before, or what sets off the problem behavior. Also note any factors or events that set up the behavior. This could be factors related to home or family, social or environmental conditions, biological or medical conditions.  A child who is hungry or tired can display inappropriate behaviors.  A snack or quiet time may ward off inappropriate behaviors. 

Once you've determined the above, ask yourself the following questions:

1. When is my child most successful?

2. When is the problem least likely to occur?  Use the answers to these two questions to map out a plan to redirect the problem behavior. You may be able to eliminate the trigger(s). Make your child be a part of the solution by enlisting her help in coming up with a way to change the behavior. 

Helping Kids Deal With Anxiety

I was a guest this morning on Great Day St. Louis sharing strategies parents can use to help their children manage anxiety. My segment begins at the 1:25 mark.


If you could use some help with managing your child's anxiety or if you any other concerns contact me to discuss my child therapy and parent coaching services.

Benefits of Cooking Together

One of the things I encourage parents to do is to have a special one-on-one time with their child each week. Parents like the idea but admit it’s a challenge to find time to fit one more thing into their weekly schedule. 

That’s when I suggest cooking together. Everyone has to eat, every house has a kitchen and for parents who are concerned about their child eating a variety of foods it’s a good way to teach healthy eating habits.

For young children start with recipes that have fewer than five ingredients. A tossed salad or muffins would be good recipes to start with. Go over basic safety rules of the kitchen before you begin cooking.

Does your child struggle with impulsivity and following directions? Gathering the ingredients, following the step by step directions of the recipe and waiting for the end result teaches all of those valuable skills. Measuring and combining ingredients teaches math skills. Reading skills are enhanced when you ask your child to read aloud the recipe directions.

Keep track of the foods you make together and soon you’ll have a series of menus which will make weekly meal planning easier. If you have a phone with a camera feature snap a picture of the recipes and when you go to the grocery store your shopping list will be with you. 

Both parents and children gain something out of cooking together. First, there's the quality time you'll share preparing the food. Then there's the pleasure of sitting down at the table together to enjoy what you've created.

Take a Tour of my Play Therapy Room

Take a peek inside my play therapy room. Every item in this room has been carefully selected and not just collected. Learn what toys and materials a child needs to explore their world, express their feelings and find creative solutions to problems. 

Grab Your Hat and Read With the Cat!

March 2, 2012 is the 108th anniversary of the birth of Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known to the world as Dr. Seuss. In honor of Dr. Seuss the National Education Association has adopted March 2nd as the annual date for Read Across America.

Across the country, thousands of schools, libraries, and community centers participate by bringing together kids, teens, and books. Seussville has guides and activities to celebrate reading with young people.

Observe the day by reading Dr. Seuss books to your child. Your child might even enjoy dressing like his favorite Seuss character.

Here are some of my favorite Dr. Seuss quotes:

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose."

"Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way."

"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you. "

Helping Children Understand Divorce

Divorce is a difficult adjustment for children and parents. Everyone in the family will be dealing with a variety of emotions. Despite their own challenges with the divorce process parents need to understand how divorce affects their children.  

Much of what children understand about divorce depends on their age. At each age, there are certain feelings and reactions that children will experience. They may experience anger, anxiety and depression. You may even see regressive behaviors. It's important to be aware of how your child may be affected so you can respond appropriately and help your child navigate through this stressful time. 

What Do Children Need to Know about Divorce?

• It's not their fault

•  Their parents will love them forever

• Their parents will continue to take care of them

• Some things will change and some things will stay the same  

What Do Children Worry About?

• If they'll have to move or change school

• How family occasions and holidays will be celebrated

• The parent who is leaving    

• That they'll have to choose one parent over the other

How Can Parents Help Children During a Divorce?

• Answer their questions. Respond honestly and in an age-appropriate way

• If you don't know the answers tell them that when you find out they'll be the first to know

• Provide a consistent, predictable routine

• Don't say bad things about the other parent

• Assure your children things will work out and they won't always be sad or angry

For children there is a lot of uncertainly about what life will look like after their parents split up. Be confident that you and your children can navigate this transition. Reassure them and show them that they can count on their parents to provide stability and love throughout their lives.